Troll, Brad, Dan, and Lori are running by Scott Park when the shock wave hits. They are all knocked down by the force of the explosion. (No big trick, since they are all pretty much falling down, anyway.)
Brad says, "Holy SHIT! He's using nukes!"
"Duck and cover!" Troll hollers. He starts trying to scramble under a jeep parked on the street. He is grandly ignored.
"Well, DAMN IT!" says BIGDAN. "NOW what do we do? The wenches are hosed! There's only us left!"
Lori is too busy trying to calculate the ecological effects of a low-yield tactical groundburst to say anything.
"If he's GOT nukes," Brad says, "why not just take out the entire town? Wouldn't that be easier?"
Troll calls out from where he is stuck beneath the jeep, "But that wouldn't follow the slasher flick mode. You can't just blast everybody at once. That would be over too soon. You've got to kill them off one at a time, or at least in small groups."
"Small groups? As in four or less?" Lori says.
Troll, mostly out from under the chassis, says, "Uh, yeah. I guess so. We know he's already taken out three at a time . . . "
Brad hefts his hockey stick. "Right. Let's get it over with."
Troll stands up and pulls his Silver Bullet out of his pocket and starts whirling it around in deadly arcs.
The four friends cluster together in the middle of the street, waiting for the inevitable.
They wait for a long time, tensely peering into the darkness, looking for signs of an attack.
Eventually, they start to feel rather foolish.
Suddenly, there is the sound of a small explosion from the north. Everybody jumps.
The sound is repeated twice more in rapid succession. Dan says, "You know, that sounds kind of familiar."
All four friends listen to the sounds as they are repeated again.
*puff* *BOOM!*
*puff* *BOOM!*
Comprehension dawns on Dan's face! "ZUKI!" he yells. He breaks from the group and starts running.
"HEY! WAIT!" yells Troll. "DON'T BREAK UP THE PARTY!"
"Well, SHIT!" says Brad.
The other three start running after BIGDAN, who is following the sounds of monsterly combat.
The sounds of battle do not lead to the blast-crater that was Chester Street, but rather to the foreboding wall of foliage that is Mirkwood. Somewhere far in the trackless depths of the forest, Zuki can be heard in full battle with some unknown foe.
Troll, Brad, and Lori stand at the outskirts of the carnivorous woods. Dan has already plunged in, in search of his babe.
Troll bellows, "ZUKI! WHAT'S GOING ON?"
Between blasts, Zuki shouts, "The slasher's in here, somewhere! I saw him running away from C-Street after he made Missy blow up! He ran in here, but now I can't find him!"
Brad is disgusted, "Well, of COURSE you can't find a slasher in Mirkwood! They're probably allied!"
Troll is excited. "This could be the scene! This is the part where the survivors start to fight back! We could conceivably win this thing right here!"
Lori says, "Or we could easily become a pile of fertilizer for these fucking woods."
Brad says, "Fuckit."
The three of them plunge in, swinging.
It is clear, from the outset, that our heroes are overmatched. The woods are just too strong to be taken out at night without airstrikes. The friends are rapidly separated by the tide of battle, and soon they have to fight for their very lives.
Zuki demolishes whole acres of the carnivorous woods, but she is too weakened from having been near the Missy-blast to keep going long.
Troll sounds the retreat, "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
Cornered by an enraged rhododendron, Lori calls out, "MAYDAY! MAYDAY!"
Brad is taking on the Kudzu Korps. He is slowly being driven back into the waiting arms of a hungry patch of daffodils.
On the run from a pack of kumquats, Troll stumbles over a dark, metal object. Frantically, he fumbles with it, thinking to throw it at his tormentors. He succeeds in firing some kind of blast into the air. The advancing kumquats hesitate, fearfully. Troll says to himself, "BONUS!"
He gets up and starts laying about himself with Mez's Agent Orange cannon. He hollers, "Where is everybody? I have the defoliant! Form on me, and we'll get the hell outta here!"
He begins dashing through the woods, searching for his trapped buddies. First, he rescues Lori from certain rhododendron-ness. Lori asks, "Just what is that stuff you're spraying?"
Troll is reluctant to answer. "Come on! We've gotta rescue the others!" They move off.
Soon, they come across Brad, who is locked in a furious tug-of-war with a giant Venus Flytrap which has a deathgrip on his hockey stick. After a light dusting, the angry plant yields. The search continues.
"DAN! ZUKI! WHERE ARE YOU?" Troll bellows, as he hoses down a nasty-looking sunflower plant.
From somewhere off to the right, comes Dan's voice, "Over here, guys! Guess what? I found the slasher!" Our friends, Troll in the lead, crash through the foliage into a small clearing they looks around in the gloom, trying to find BIG DAN.
"Uh, up here, guys," says Dan's voice from a very large tree.
Brad looks up and says, "Oh, like THAT's original!"
"It's ok," Dan says, "I'm used to it by now."
Lori says, "Let's get him down from there."
The friends approach the tree, only to be driven back by a furious barrage of exploding acorns. Troll starts blasting with the cannon. He is perplexed when the stream of orange death fails to reach the high branches. Suddenly, he realizes the awful truth. "I'm almost out of ammo!" he cries.
Sensing the advantage, Mirkwood furiously counter-attacks! Our heroes (all except Dan) fall back in the face of overwhelming power. The situation, in case you haven't been paying attention, is desperate.
Elsewhere, Zuki is on her last legs. She is slowly, agonizingly, trying to make her way to the clearing where BIGDAN is hanging around. Exhausted, she stumbles into a patch of climbing ivy. The tough vines soon have her pinned. They begin to constrict!
Gasping and wheezing, she says,
The plants hesitate for a moment, trying to figure out why anyone would want their last word to be "sushi".
Zuki uses this hesitation to draw another labored breath and say,
The ivy is really confused, now. But, what the heck, last words are last words. Remorselessly, the deadly vines return to constriction-mode.
Zuki seems to have drawn new strength. She fights for another breath and says,
The ground trembles, ever so slightly.
The ground trembles, again, harder.
Troll says, "Oh, my god."
There is a very definite rumble, emanating from somewhere far to the south. Really far to the south. Like, from St. Louis.
"NO! We're not THAT desperate!" screams Brad.
The forest quivers, nervously.
"LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Troll calmly says.
The earth is shaking steadily, now. The vines working on Zuki begin to constrict wildly, trying desperately to stave off her last word. But it does no good, she has one fateful breath remaining.
The entire world falls silent as she softly gasps out,
The ground leaps once, convulsively, as the southern half of the sky lights up with a massive burst of flames!
An echoing roar thunders up from the south,